


baby it's like we're walking on a wire through the fear

by ThisJoyAndI



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M, Juliette centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3289277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisJoyAndI/pseuds/ThisJoyAndI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(take my hand, we'll get there)<br/>Juliette worries about if she'll be a good mother to her baby, given what little she knows comes from her mama. 'Whilst she can remember quite a few good moments in between all the bad, can still remember dancing around their tiny trailer as the newest single from Rayna James played on the radio, her mama's absent style of parenting isn't one she wants to adopt with regards to her own daughter. She thinks it will be hard to leave the baby at all, even for a short period of time, even for just a moment, because she knows a mere moment is all it takes for the good to slip away.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	baby it's like we're walking on a wire through the fear

She's having a girl.

 _They're_ having a girl.

As soon as she does it, she instantly regrets peeking at the file - but sitting in an empty house with only the kicks of her baby for company made the temptation of knowing way too great to resist.

Plus - she's run out of chocolate ice-cream, so really, who can blame her?

Knowing for sure the sex of their baby terrifies her so very much, and she shoves the medical file back into the manilla envelope, inhaling deeply.

A boy, she'd figured, a boy Avery would know how to deal with.

Even if they were never together again, Avery would still be there for all the big moments in their son's life. It would be Avery who would teach him how to play guitar, how to ride a bike, how to shave, how to drive. Of course, she'd also be there for those crucial moments, and she'd more than likely have some input on Avery's methods of teaching their son, but he wouldn't rely on her as much as he did Avery. She would take him shopping and tell him what to say to win a girl's heart, teach him all the best love songs to sing and always be there to tuck him in at night and kiss him on the forehead (even when he protested he was too old for such displays of affection).

She would be a great mother to their son, no matter what happened between her and Avery.

But how can she be a great mother to their baby, if she's having a girl?

She misses and loves her mother, always will, but it has been difficult to reconcile the love she has for her with the tainted memories of her childhood. She thinks it willl always be difficult, and she doesn't want her own feelings to impact on the relationship and love she has for the baby growing inside her.

But how can it not?

All she knows about being a mother, aside from the stupid baby books Glenn has insisted on buying for her, is from what her mama taught her – and that isn't a lot. Whilst she can remember quite a few good moments in between all the bad, can still remember dancing around their tiny trailer as the new single from Rayna James played on the radio, her mama's absent style of parenting isn't one she wants to adopt in regard to her baby. She thinks it will be hard to leave the baby at all, even for a short period of time, even for just a moment, because she knows a mere moment is all it takes for the good to slip away.

~~Oh god, does she know.~~

She never believed in love, not really, not until she felt it for Avery, but yet she loves their baby so much it frightens her, and she has yet to meet it.

But a girl...knowing that she is going to have a girl is the most terrifying thing she has ever experienced. Even worse than watching her career tumble down into free-fall and having no clue how to fix the situation she had put herself in yet again, yet again.

Sure, when her baby grows up she'll know what to do, will know exactly how to handle the sort of situations the daughter of Juliette Barnes will most certainly find herself in – and perhaps even with a cool head. She'll be there for all the big moments, will be the one to take her shopping for her first bra, the one to tell her all about the menstrual cycle and how sex works (and how she shouldn't engage in it as early as her mother had, no matter what her boyfriend is promising). They'll go prom dress shopping together, and she thinks she'll be the one to threaten her daughter's dates with bodily harm if they dare hurt her baby, will make sure she never experiences the heartbreak and pain that comes with choosing the wrong guy.

The memories of the times when her mama left her alone to be with some guy, came back high or drunk or occasionally both, spent money put aside for groceries in order to experience that high, will always haunt her. And how can she be sure she won't do the same to her daughter? She likes a drink, or two, or three, every now and then. And she might not be able to drink right now because she's pregnant, but what if the Barnes women have some predisposition to alcohol? What if she finds one day that she just cannot stop drinking, can't put down the bottle even when her baby is crying, wailing, for attention? Will she be like Deacon, forced to live thirteen years without having any contact with her child? Will Avery be all her baby ever knows, with her off drinking herself into a stupor or in rehab somewhere, trying once more to get clean for her baby but always failing?

No, she thinks, running a hand down her belly, she can't end up like that.

_She won't end up like that._

With or without Avery, she has to be there for her baby. The cycle of pain and loss that follows the Barnes women like a relentless shadow shall end with her, and she won't ever ever ever let her daughter go to bed without knowing her mother loves her more than anything in the world.

She's going to be a _great_ mother, and having a girl (hopefully one that has her hair and Avery's eyes) is going to be the greatest achievement of her life, CMA awards and multi-platinum records be damned.

 

–---

 

When Avery stands up to his parents, not just for him, but for her and the baby they will always be linked by, she instantly feels guilty for knowing about the sex when he is still in the dark. Perhaps a crowded room filled with country's greatest stars isn't the best place to reveal such important information, but with his hand gripping hers tight in a show of support after he has been _so_ reluctant to touch her for so long, so reluctant to even be near her, she cannot help but tell him. She may have reconciled herself to the fact that she is going to be a great mother no matter what, that even if her mother's shortcomings will always haunt her she needs to focus on the love they shared, not the hatred, but hearing words of support from Avery is another thing all together.

And then it just comes out, and she wants nothing more than to disappear as Avery looks at her, blankly at first, but then with dawning understanding, his eyes bright and filled with an expression she has not seen directed at her for so long. 

He isn't angry that she knows the baby's sex after she was so adamant to keep it a surprise, not at all. It might be the bright lights, or the general exhilaration that comes with an award show, but when he looks at her, all she can see is love – not just for their baby girl, but for her. It causes her chest to swell, and she has to force herself not to cry, because she doesn't think her mascara is waterproof – which is ridiculous, a stupid decision made by an obviously inept makeup artist who clearly has no experience with pregnant women. She won't be using her services again. 

As she waits for the winners to be called out, her hand resting on her belly where their daughter is growing and Avery's hand resting gently on top of hers, offering protection to them both, she knows Avery and her daughter is all she is ever going to need.

Although, a few more awards wouldn't hurt – and maybe, just maybe, they'll be awarded to Mrs. Juliette Barkley, who is a mother first, a wife second and a famous country singer last.

 


End file.
